Sep. 9th, 2010 07:59 am
jtiberiusk: (Default)
I managed to work up the nerve to talk to mom about moving on our drive into work this morning. I had been planning to talk to her about it when we went to the laundromat, but she kept putting it off. Honestly, I ended up doing that "being deliberately quiet until she asks you what's wrong" thing.

I mostly told her the truth, though I did emphasize that I wanted to leave so I could feel and behave more like an adult, rather than that I wanted to get away from all the pointless bickering.

I was surprised. She only teared up in front of me, instead of out and out crying, which she often does and I expected. I don't want to hurt her with this, but I also can't let her control my life forever.

I think she was most surprised that I have a genuine roommate lined up, though not as much as she could have been. It probably helps that I've been telling her about him for the past few days.

She didn't tell me I was going to fail at least, and she said she'd help me "as much as she could", and that's all I can ask. I just needed to know that when Dad and my brother start screaming at me about this, she won't be doing the same thing.

Going to start making calls and seeing places soon, after I talk to the roomie.



Sep. 8th, 2010 09:20 am
jtiberiusk: (profile)
Its been a difficult couple of weeks. I thought with my brother home from the hospital, I might be able to enjoy some pleasant time at home. I thought "Well, he's still sick. Of course mom and dad will walk on egg shells around him so he won't throw a fit". Of course I was wrong. At some points my father seems to be going absolutely out of his way to torment my brother. This weekend was hell.

I'm trying to actually get the ball rolling on moving out. It helps that I have a real potential roommate now, a fellow ftm that I went to high school with. He's responsible, and has a steady job. Pretty much diametrically opposed to my last roommate, who ruined the venture for us.

On top of the normal problems inherent in finding a place to live (chief among them in my court being start up money) I also have to deal with the extreme disapproval of my parents. I'm stark terrified that it will go beyond mere inevitable "you're going to fail" speeches until I move out, into possible property damage. Luckily for once in my life, if my dad does go apeshit and kicsk me out before I can move, I do have a place I can stay for a month or so. It'll be unpleasant but for God's sake, I am nearing the 25 year mark. I am not so much tired of my family's bullshit as I am exhausted by it beyond measure. When you contemplate dying in the street as a pleasant alternative to another night at home, it is time to leave.

Mordax of course, is not helping. I don't even know if she actively wants us to keep living at home, or if she just doesn't want to put forward the effort. I'm worried that she's going to sabotage me through this, emotionally, or monetarily, whether she does it deliberately on unintentionally.

I'm helping mom with the laundry tonight. I'm going to see if I can get her support. Because that would be very helpful.



jtiberiusk: (Default)
David "Tiberius"

September 2010

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